Saturday, June 20, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Why I don't
I'm constantly asked why I don't "date." At least a few times each month, someone, be it one of my close friends, a family member, or even someone I've just met, will ask me this question. My answer is always, " I just don't have the time" or "I haven't met someone whom I would like to date." These two responses are fairly accurate, and for the most part help to kill the conversation right then and there.
A far more pithier and honest answer to that question, however, is fairly lengthy and somewhat more complicated. Yes. I've done my fair share of dating, mostly back when I was still in college. Be it the movie and a dinner date, or alcohol-induced, drinking date, or the classy boy brings flowers and walks you home date, I feel like I've seen and done most of it.
But to my friend's point, most of these have been casual. Nothing serious.
That's the way I like to keep things because if things don't work out, it's that much easier to part ways with the said guy. Case in point, most guys I've gone out with turn out to be clingy, possessive, jealous, and sadly immature. When any of these traits starts to show, I take that as my exit cue, and bolt.
Another reason (and the far more serious one) why I don't like dating can be summarized in two simple words: emotional insurance. If things become serious, you run the risk of becoming too connected, too involved, and sadly, too vulnerable to falling in love. I've said this many times before, and I'll say it again. Love in its truest form does exist, however, it is so rare that it might as well be non-existent.
Many people confuse love with lust, infatuation, sex, etc. And while those qualities might manifest themselves in love (after all, it would help to lust after the person you love, right?), they don't necessarily define or encapsulate the true definition of love. I had a conversation with a friend not too long ago, and have come to agree with his definition of love. He defined love as "irrational, illogical, and unconditional." You feel pain when the person you love is in pain. And vice-versa. But there-in lies the problem. By opening up your heart and letting that person in, you're also making yourself susceptible to having your heart broken and torn into pieces. After all, it's the person who you love the most who can also hurt you the most.
That is why, I refuse to fall in love. Why bother? Why start something when you know it's going to end? Why put yourself in a position where you know you're going to get hurt? It's all so foolish if you ask me.
Besides, I think the majority of the people out there don't know how to love. Even though we humans all have the capability of loving someone unconditionally and whole-heartedly, as naturally selfish beings, most of us are incapable of truely loving someone else.
So yes. That is my long and short answer as to why I don't date and why I refuse to fall in love.
A far more pithier and honest answer to that question, however, is fairly lengthy and somewhat more complicated. Yes. I've done my fair share of dating, mostly back when I was still in college. Be it the movie and a dinner date, or alcohol-induced, drinking date, or the classy boy brings flowers and walks you home date, I feel like I've seen and done most of it.
But to my friend's point, most of these have been casual. Nothing serious.
That's the way I like to keep things because if things don't work out, it's that much easier to part ways with the said guy. Case in point, most guys I've gone out with turn out to be clingy, possessive, jealous, and sadly immature. When any of these traits starts to show, I take that as my exit cue, and bolt.
Another reason (and the far more serious one) why I don't like dating can be summarized in two simple words: emotional insurance. If things become serious, you run the risk of becoming too connected, too involved, and sadly, too vulnerable to falling in love. I've said this many times before, and I'll say it again. Love in its truest form does exist, however, it is so rare that it might as well be non-existent.
Many people confuse love with lust, infatuation, sex, etc. And while those qualities might manifest themselves in love (after all, it would help to lust after the person you love, right?), they don't necessarily define or encapsulate the true definition of love. I had a conversation with a friend not too long ago, and have come to agree with his definition of love. He defined love as "irrational, illogical, and unconditional." You feel pain when the person you love is in pain. And vice-versa. But there-in lies the problem. By opening up your heart and letting that person in, you're also making yourself susceptible to having your heart broken and torn into pieces. After all, it's the person who you love the most who can also hurt you the most.
That is why, I refuse to fall in love. Why bother? Why start something when you know it's going to end? Why put yourself in a position where you know you're going to get hurt? It's all so foolish if you ask me.
Besides, I think the majority of the people out there don't know how to love. Even though we humans all have the capability of loving someone unconditionally and whole-heartedly, as naturally selfish beings, most of us are incapable of truely loving someone else.
So yes. That is my long and short answer as to why I don't date and why I refuse to fall in love.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Dreaming of California
I fell in love.
With California! I've always liked this sunny state, but after spending close to a week traversing its National and State Parks, driving by the Pacific West Coast, and enjoying its eternal sunshine (at least compared to New England, it seems eternal), I've firmly decided that I'm moving out west.
It's always been a childhood dream of mine to move to California. Not to sound corny, but dreams can and do come true. I'm gonna move, even if it kills me. If not next year, definitely the year after. That's not to say that I hate New England. Boston has been my home for the past decade or so, and I'll always be a East Coast gal at heart. But, after 10 years of the same nasty weather, the brooding Atlantic Ocean, and harsh accents, I'm ready for some Pacific loving!
I'll probably head out to San Francisco if I get a chance. Either somewhere downtown or in the burbs. Northern California, here I come!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Travel Blog
I've been asked by multiple people to keep an online blog to capture my experience and keep them posted during my 2 week sojourn on the road.
So I started giving out my personal blog, but then came to realize that it might not be such a good idea to share with everyone, what I post on this journal. It's not that I've posted anything that might be considered incriminating. Simply put, some things are a bit too personal to share with everyone.
Anyway, for now anything travel/roadtrip-related will be posted on my travel blog. :) Stay tuned.
http://thecompasspointswest.blogspot.com/
So I started giving out my personal blog, but then came to realize that it might not be such a good idea to share with everyone, what I post on this journal. It's not that I've posted anything that might be considered incriminating. Simply put, some things are a bit too personal to share with everyone.
Anyway, for now anything travel/roadtrip-related will be posted on my travel blog. :) Stay tuned.
http://thecompasspointswest.blogspot.com/
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Let's Hang Out
Okay. So lately, I've been teased, and in a way, chastised, for my definition of "hanging out," particularly when it comes to "hanging out" with guys. Many of my female friends think that you can't just "hang out" with a guy without it becoming a date. They automatically assume that just because I spend time with a particular guy, that I'm technically "dating" him.
But I beg to differ. To start off, my definition of hanging out is simple: spending time with a person, be it a guy or a girl, and doing things that both of us enjoy without there being any hint of sexual attraction. Whether it's grabbing dinner together, playing tennis, going rock-climbing, or simply not doing anything but staying in to watch a movie, as long as both parties involved are enjoying each other's company and having fun, that's all that matters. Right?
Now, these situations may or may not involve at least some level of physical/emotional attraction. After all, we are human, and sometimes can't help but develop certain feelings for the other person with whom we spend a lot of our time. In fact, I'll be the first to admit that I'm guilty of that myself. There was one instance, a while back, when I found myself hanging out with a guy on whom I sort of developed a small crush. However when I realized that the feeling wasn't mutual, I quickly got over it, and moved on.
Moreover, I've heard countless stories of friends becoming lovers, and truth be told, the best relationships do blossom out of friendship - there's no arguing against that.
With that said, however, in most situations the feelings tend to be nothing more than platonic, at least that's what I found to be true for me. With that one exception that I mentioned before, rarely have I ever developed any sort of attraction to a guy I've hung out with; but that's partly due to my inability (or unwillingness...) to form emotional attachments to most people.
Anyway, bottom line is this: hanging out is neither a substitute word for "dating" nor is it a prelude to romance. So next time I "hang out" with a guy, please please don't call it a "date." >:)
But I beg to differ. To start off, my definition of hanging out is simple: spending time with a person, be it a guy or a girl, and doing things that both of us enjoy without there being any hint of sexual attraction. Whether it's grabbing dinner together, playing tennis, going rock-climbing, or simply not doing anything but staying in to watch a movie, as long as both parties involved are enjoying each other's company and having fun, that's all that matters. Right?
Now, these situations may or may not involve at least some level of physical/emotional attraction. After all, we are human, and sometimes can't help but develop certain feelings for the other person with whom we spend a lot of our time. In fact, I'll be the first to admit that I'm guilty of that myself. There was one instance, a while back, when I found myself hanging out with a guy on whom I sort of developed a small crush. However when I realized that the feeling wasn't mutual, I quickly got over it, and moved on.
Moreover, I've heard countless stories of friends becoming lovers, and truth be told, the best relationships do blossom out of friendship - there's no arguing against that.
With that said, however, in most situations the feelings tend to be nothing more than platonic, at least that's what I found to be true for me. With that one exception that I mentioned before, rarely have I ever developed any sort of attraction to a guy I've hung out with; but that's partly due to my inability (or unwillingness...) to form emotional attachments to most people.
Anyway, bottom line is this: hanging out is neither a substitute word for "dating" nor is it a prelude to romance. So next time I "hang out" with a guy, please please don't call it a "date." >:)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Itinerary 3
Ahhhhh...another change of plans.
Boston -> DC -> Gatlinburg, TN -> Memphis, TN -> Santa Fe, NM -> Taos, NM -> Mesa Verde, CO, -> Moab, UT -> Grand Canyon, AZ -> Joshua Tree, CA -> Los Angeles, CA -> San Francisco, CA
4,218 miles
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