What the heck did I do?

Karma is a bitch, so I shouldn't pursue this any further.

Why I don't

I'm constantly asked why I don't "date." At least a few times each month, someone, be it one of my close friends, a family member, or even someone I've just met, will ask me this question. My answer is always, " I just don't have the time" or "I haven't met someone whom I would like to date." These two responses are fairly accurate, and for the most part help to kill the conversation right then and there.

A far more pithier and honest answer to that question, however, is fairly lengthy and somewhat more complicated. Yes. I've done my fair share of dating, mostly back when I was still in college. Be it the movie and a dinner date, or alcohol-induced, drinking date, or the classy boy brings flowers and walks you home date, I feel like I've seen and done most of it.

But to my friend's point, most of these have been casual. Nothing serious.

That's the way I like to keep things because if things don't work out, it's that much easier to part ways with the said guy. Case in point, most guys I've gone out with turn out to be clingy, possessive, jealous, and sadly immature. When any of these traits starts to show, I take that as my exit cue, and bolt.

Another reason (and the far more serious one) why I don't like dating can be summarized in two simple words: emotional insurance. If things become serious, you run the risk of becoming too connected, too involved, and sadly, too vulnerable to falling in love. I've said this many times before, and I'll say it again. Love in its truest form does exist, however, it is so rare that it might as well be non-existent.

Many people confuse love with lust, infatuation, sex, etc. And while those qualities might manifest themselves in love (after all, it would help to lust after the person you love, right?), they don't necessarily define or encapsulate the true definition of love. I had a conversation with a friend not too long ago, and have come to agree with his definition of love. He defined love as "irrational, illogical, and unconditional." You feel pain when the person you love is in pain. And vice-versa. But there-in lies the problem. By opening up your heart and letting that person in, you're also making yourself susceptible to having your heart broken and torn into pieces. After all, it's the person who you love the most who can also hurt you the most.

That is why, I refuse to fall in love. Why bother? Why start something when you know it's going to end? Why put yourself in a position where you know you're going to get hurt? It's all so foolish if you ask me.

Besides, I think the majority of the people out there don't know how to love. Even though we humans all have the capability of loving someone unconditionally and whole-heartedly, as naturally selfish beings, most of us are incapable of truely loving someone else.

So yes. That is my long and short answer as to why I don't date and why I refuse to fall in love.

Dreaming of California

I fell in love.

With California! I've always liked this sunny state, but after spending close to a week traversing its National and State Parks, driving by the Pacific West Coast, and enjoying its eternal sunshine (at least compared to New England, it seems eternal), I've firmly decided that I'm moving out west.

It's always been a childhood dream of mine to move to California. Not to sound corny, but dreams can and do come true. I'm gonna move, even if it kills me. If not next year, definitely the year after. That's not to say that I hate New England. Boston has been my home for the past decade or so, and I'll always be a East Coast gal at heart. But, after 10 years of the same nasty weather, the brooding Atlantic Ocean, and harsh accents, I'm ready for some Pacific loving!

I'll probably head out to San Francisco if I get a chance. Either somewhere downtown or in the burbs. Northern California, here I come!